


The Carer

by thattinynerd (beautyinthenight)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging & YouTube RPF
Genre: Fiction, General fiction, Introductions & Chapters, Literature, M/M, prose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-04
Updated: 2013-05-09
Packaged: 2017-12-10 21:51:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/790574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautyinthenight/pseuds/thattinynerd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan Howell lives with his 6 siblings and is their soul carer. He's upset, lonely and struggling to cope with his life. And then he meets Phil.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Morning Struggles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan Howell lives with his 6 siblings and is their soul carer. He's upset, lonely and struggling to cope with his life. And then he meets Phil.

I’m awoken by the sound of Rosa crying, just like every other night for the past 2 weeks. When will she get passed this phase? I roll out of bed, and glance at the clock. 4am. Well, at least I should be able to get some sleep once I’ve got her sorted out. It’s the worst when she’s like this at 5 because I can never get back to sleep, and if I do I have to be up by 6! Those days are the worst, when I lose an hour of sleep. I live on the bare minimum of sleep as it is, without losing some.

I pad across the room and over to her crib, scooping her up and into my arms. She’s so small, even by baby standards. Premature, and really it’s a wonder she’s alive at all. But she’s so precious. So, so, so precious. She has these huge emerald green eyes which sparkle in the moonlight, and she has wisps of brown hair just starting to grow in. I can tell she’s going to be a beautiful child, and grow up to be a beautiful woman. At least on the outside, and I’d hope on the inside too. 

I can’t work out what’s wrong with her now, why she was crying. She stopped as soon as I picked her up. I sniff her nappy, and it smells clean. I try to offer her a bottle and she refuses. I check her temperature and it’s normal. She must have just been lonely. That’s understandable, I guess. If I had time to be lonely, I guess I’d cry too. I pull her closer to me, and rock her as I walk back to bed. She can sleep with me, I don’t mind. 

I lay her on my chest and I pull the covers up over us. I won’t sleep like this, in case I roll over and she falls on the floor, but I can close my eyes until she falls back to sleep and I can put her in her cot again. I can feel her breathing, and it’s actually quite a soothing sensation. Everything’s relaxed, which I know is nothing like how things will be in an hour’s time when everyone else gets up. I mean, some of them are probably already awake, after Rosa’s screaming, but they never come to help. It’s always me, the eldest child.

There are 7 of us kids in the Howell household. Technically they all are only my half-brothers/sisters, but we don’t dwell on that. We all share a mother, but there are many different fathers. But that doesn’t really matter. I’m the eldest; I’m Dan (15). Then there’s Jemima (10), Thomas (9), Ben (9), Marina (7), Lily (3) and Rosa (3 weeks). We all live with our mum, Alice, and are the largest family I’ve ever seen.

We don’t see Marina all that much, only during the holidays. Her dad pays for her to go to some swanky boarding school up in Scotland. In a way I’m thankful for that, it makes life easier and she deserves it. But I do miss her when she’s gone, and it makes the others jealous. She has it all compared to us. I mean, she’s the only one who’s even still in touch with her dad. The rest of us aren’t!

Thomas and Ben are identical twin trouble makers. If someone has been pranked in our house, you know it was one of them who did it. They can be sweet when they want to be (which is generally when they want food), but they seriously cause a hell of a lot of havoc! Jemima is their full sister, and she’s the complete opposite. She’s shy and withdrawn, and I’m not too sure why. She has been for as long as I can remember. Their dad, Tony, lived with us for a bit. Then he left as soon as the twins were born. 

We don’t know who Lily’s dad is. He left mum after one night. And the one night resulted in Lils. She’s a toddler now, and she has lots of friends at playgroup, which is good. She’s also very intelligent for her age, and likes to ask questions about everything. It gets annoying after a while. But it does mean that she can be happy for hours if I give her a book!

Rosa, well I’ve already covered her really. Her dad buggered off when he found out that there might be ‘complications’ with the pregnancy. There were complications, and Rosa was premature, as I’ve previously mentioned. But she’s a fighter, and she’ll do fine without any dad. I know she will. The rest of us have.

I notice Rosa’s breathing has slowed and I stand up and place her back in the cot, pulling the blanket over her and placing a kiss on her cheek. I make sure she has her teddy, and then I climb back into my own bed and close my eyes, trying to get another hour or so of sleep. And then the school rush will begin. I snuggle further down under the blanket and fall fast asleep.

The alarm wakes me up at 5.45, and I roll out of bed and fumble around for my light switch. Once I’ve found it, I heave myself out of bed, across the landing and into the shower. 20 minutes later, I’m dressed in my school uniform, hair straightened, and feeding Rosa who is awake again. I stifle a yawn, and place her back in her cot. Hopefully she’ll get another half hour of sleep while I’m downstairs.

I creep down the stairs and quietly turn off the alarm, and walk into the kitchen. I have 5 lunches to make (Marina being at boarding school), and 5 breakfasts. It’s more complex than it sounds, because they all have different preferences. Jemima is a vegetarian, so she has to have cheese. Tom and Ben hate cheese, so they have to have ham. Lily won’t eat sandwiches with butter in them. Me, I’ll eat anything! Each goes in the named box, with an apple and a chocolate bar. Sorted.

Next up is breakfast. 5 rounds of toast. Each with Jam. At least they all like jam; that makes life easier for me! I grab mine and take it up with me as I go to do the worst task of the morning: waking everyone up. I walk up the stairs, and get to the first door: Jemima and Marina’s (although only Jemima is in there). I stick my head round the door and see she’s already up, so I move on. Next up is the twins. 

“Guys, get up!” I call into their room, and I duck as a water bomb comes flying at me. I only dodge out of the way just in time, but thankfully my school uniform stays dry. Giggles erupt from the room.  
“What have I told you guys about water bombs in the house?” I say, turning my back on the door. I know they’ll be dressed if they’ve been making water bombs. 

Finally is Lily’s room, soon to be Lily and Rosa’s, once Rosa is a bit bigger. I have to go into this one to get Lily up, she’s always fast asleep! I scoop her up into my arms as her eyes flicker open, and carry her down into the kitchen for her breakfast. The others are already there, eating their toast. For once, it wasn’t too panicked a wake up!

I leave them all to it and go up to see to Rosa. My rooms in the attic, and really is little more than a store cupboard. There’s room for my single bed and a cot. There’s no more floor space than that, you literally come out of the hatch (it’s up a ladder) and you’re straight onto my bed. But it’s nice and cosy. The ceiling is painted with stars in a hipster-y way, but I think it’s beautiful. Nicer than the real sky, because out there you can never see the stars.

I change Rosa’s nappy and clothes, and put her in the baby sling. I won’t take her to nursery in that, but it’s the only way that I can safely get her down the ladder. I put that on my front, grab my schoolbag and put that on my back, and climb downstairs, right down to the hall where the pram sits. It’s a special pram, which has a buggy bit too so I can push Lily and Rosa at the same time! I strap Rosa in, then find Lily and strap her in as well, before running around the house looking for the twins. 

Finally everyone is ready to go, so I leave them at the doorway so I can check on mum. I push open her bedroom door, and spot her passed out on her bed. As expected really, she was out drinking until past 1am last night. Just like every night. I roll her onto her side, and leave.


	2. Morning Struggles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan Howell lives with his 6 siblings and is their soul carer. He's upset, lonely and struggling to cope with his life. And then he meets Phil.

The walk to school is as long as ever. First to the playgroup, to drop of Lily, then to the nursery to leave Rosa and the buggy, then the primary school for the other 3. This is the most awkward drop off because Tom and Ben hate school. They’d rather be messing on at home, and they hate sitting still for long periods of time, like during lessons. On more than one occasion, we’ve had letters home asking for parents to come into school. Usually it’s me who ends up going, unless I can persuade mum to go. But the school don’t mind, I am a registered carer for her. It’s my responsibility to go to things like that.

Once I’ve finally made the twins stay in school, it’s off to my own. It’s only 2 minutes away, but sometimes I wish it was further away, because school is quite literally my personal hell. Most of the people there are jerks and I hate them. They all think I’m posh, and they all seem to act like thugs. Bullies, the whole lot of them. They pick on the weaker kids, and it’s not fair. I’m not usually a target of the physical bullies, though. I’m tall and I’m tough, so instead they tend to just verbally bully me. Which I can deal with. 

I’m more worried about next year, when Jemima joins the school. She’ll never be able to cope like I can. She’s small, and I know she has no close friends to protect her like mine protect me. I’m scared for her, because I know I won’t be able to protect her 24/7. And she deserves better than the bullies. I just don’t know how she’s going to cope, unless she makes friends soon. She’s just so reserved, I don’t see that happening.

I trudge through the gates and reach my crowd of friends: Chris, Alex, Carrie and Luke. My closest friends in the world. NOT. I am close with them, yes, but I always feel like the outsider. They all do stuff together out of school, and I can’t do that. I used to (well a little bit), up until 2 years ago, when mum got worse. I don’t have time to go out anymore. Luke’s my replacement in the group. He only joined the school 2 years ago, and he’s a bit younger than the rest of us. But he’s cool, I guess.

No, my real best friend lives several miles away. He’s called PJ, and I met him at this meeting of young carers in the area. He looks after his grandma, and he’s awesome. Really awesome. We skype all of the time, well not all of the time. When we have a chance. Which, if I’m honest, isn’t very often. But he understands why I have no free time, and he understands my parental instincts over my family. He’s a great guy to talk to, and I wish we went to the same school. But then maybe he’d get annoyed that I could never hang out with him. 

Maybe its better that I have no true friends. 

The bell rings before I can even greet my friends, and I trudge off towards my form room. I have no lessons with anyone that I like. Seriously. I sit at the back of the classroom, by the window, and think about how the others are doing in school, about what needs doing when I get home and about how I’m going to fail my GCSEs at the end of this year. It’s not as if I don’t try, and when I was younger I used to be really bright! I just don’t have time to be clever anymore.

I’m knocked out of my thoughts by a shadow passing over me. I look up and see a small, black haired boy with bright blue eyes and really pale skin. He’s clutching his bag and a bundle of papers nervously, and his uniform is perfect. I instantly recognise a new kid. I stare at him, waiting for him to speak.

“Sorry... Miss Roberts said to sit next to you” he whispers, looking at the ground nervously.  
“Oh, sure. I say, moving up to make room for him”

Why Miss Roberts put him next to me, I don’t know. She knows that I don’t talk to people my own age very easily, I find it easier to talk to kids. I guess that’s a side effect of being with my siblings all of my free time. I notice the new kids muse badges all over his bag, and his pokemon keyring. It’s just my luck to be sat next to someone who I could actually get along with really. Because I know that if I talk to him and I like him, I’ll actually get my hopes up that I’ll have a true friend in school. And then he’ll crush all my hopes when he discovers my home situation, just like everyone does.

It’s not worth getting my hopes up.


	3. The Park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan Howell lives with his 6 siblings and is their soul carer. He's upset, lonely and struggling to cope with his life. And then he meets Phil.

After school, I decide have to make tea while Jemima, Tom and Ben do their homework. I stick the pizza in the oven, then prepare the broccoli and get the smiley faces out of the fridge. This is the kid’s tea; I’ll have mine by myself later while I’m trying to finish my homework. I’ll probably end up just eating the pizza crusts which I’ll have to cut off because Ben and Lily don’t like the crusts. Ben and Jemima do, which makes things easier.  
I plate up all the food, and call everyone downstairs so they can eat their tea. I then warm up some baby milk and go through to the living room with Rosa to feed her. I hold her in my arms as I rock in the rocking chair. I’m so sleepy I could nod off right there and then. But there’s work to be done, so I put Rosa in her crib with some of her toys and then I head back off to do more work.

The others are still eating, and for once they’re not fighting, so I realise I have some time to go and see if mum is alright. I creep into across the landing and knock on the door, pushing it open gently and walking in. Mum’s lying on her bed, watching the TV, so I turn on the light to get her attention. She looks up, and smiles at me as I sit on the edge of the bed.

“What can I do for you, Danny?” she says, smiling.  
“Do you want to come and eat with the others, mum?” I ask.  
“No thanks love, I’m going to be going out soon.”  
“Where are you going?”  
“Just out.”  
“You’re going drinking again aren’t you? Mum can’t you just stay here for once and look after your kids? You’ve barely seen Rosa, Lily pines after you, Marina always asks about you in her letters, I doubt Ben and Tom can even remember the last time you hugged them and Jemima is retreating into her shell! Mummy they need you!”

She scowls at me, as I try to hold back the tears. It’s true, everything that I’ve said. I became everyone’s official carer when mum got diagnosed with depression 5 years after Jemima and the twin’s dad left, but by then I had already been caring for them for a couple of years, especially Marina, who was the youngest at the time. Mum just started with the alcohol, and I had to step in. And I’ve never complained. Looking after mum, that’s normal. She has a mental illness. But she never tries.

“I am ill you know Daniel Howell. Ill. So do not blame me for this! I am there for my children; do not accuse me of not being! All you do is help out a little bit when I’m unwell!”  she half-screams.

I stand up, and leave her room, slamming the door behind me. Mum yells from inside but I don’t listen. I’m full of rage and sadness. Telling me that I only help out a little bit, that’s really really low! I do everything for her kids, I look after her new born and I looked after her last new born and I did most of the work with the new born before that. I take each child to school, I make all their meals, and I tuck them in at night. I’m practically their parent.

I’m crying softly as I climb up the ladder to my room. I take Rosa out of her cot and cuddle her, like most people might cuddle a soft toy. I just want to be appreciated, sometimes. That’s all I want. I don’t ask for praise from her… but she refuses to even acknowledge that I do anything. And I just feel worthless.

I hear the creak of the ladder, and I turn around to see Lily climbing into my room.

“Hey Lils.”  
“Dammy are you okay? You cwying!” she says. I’d forgotten I was crying. I put out my free arm for her to snuggle in.  
“I hit my head, that’s all! Tell you what… do you want to go to the park?” I say, covering up the real reason. I have to be the strong one.  
“YEY!” she squeals.  
“You go get everyone ready then!”

She runs off down the ladder, and I can hear her screaming to tell her siblings that we’re going out. I quickly change out of my uniform and into a pair of joggers and a t-shirt, before changing Rosa’s nappy and carrying her downstairs and into the buggy, where I find Lily already in her seat, Jemima waiting patiently and Tom and Ben putting on their trainers.

“Good work guys! Let’s go!” I sing, disguising my upset.

We leave the house, and 10 minutes later we’re in the park. I let the older three go on the slide, while I take the other two to the younger area and strap them into swings, pushing alternately. It’s kind of therapeutic, just a constant forwards and backwards. I try not to think of the argument with mum. I know that when I get back, she’ll be gone. Off with another man. I hope that she doesn’t get pregnant again. I have too many kids to look after as it is.

There’s a guy standing watching me. At first I think he might be a pedophile, but then I realise he can only be a year or two older than me. And then I look closer and realise its Phil, that guy who sat with me in school. He’s by himself, and I dunno what he’s doing here. I try not to make eye-contact with him; he’ll start asking about my siblings if we start talking, I’m sure of it. But, at the same time some human contact of my own age might feel nice right now.

“Hey, Dan?” he says, walking over.  
“Oh, hi Phil.”  
“What’re you doing here?”  
“I’m just bringing my brothers and sisters to the park for a bit, that’s all!” I say, then to Lily, “Do you want to go on the slide? Of you go!”  
“Awesome.”  
“What about you?”  
“I’m just exploring the new area, that’s all. Are you okay?” Crap, he noticed I’d been crying.  
“Yeah… look its getting dark I’d better get the others back”  
“Oh, ok. Here’s my number, if you ever want to chat.” He passes me a note, and gives me an awkward hug before walking off.


	4. Late Night Struggles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan Howell lives with his 6 siblings and is their soul carer. He's upset, lonely and struggling to cope with his life. And then he meets Phil.

_‘Ding-Dong’_

My eyes fly open, and to the clock. It’s 1am, and I can’t figure out who would be at the door at this hour. I clamber out of bed, grabbing a pair of jogging pants and jumping into them as I climb down the ladder and stairs. My brain’s in overdrive, I’m slightly worried that it’ll be an armed robber. I arrive at the door, and unlock it, pulling it open and letting the night air hit my bare chest.

“Danny?” A female voice calls. My eyes adjust and I see my cousin, Dodie.  
“D...Dodie?” I call out.

I open the door wider, and I see her clutching a bag in her hand and her sister Heddy on her back. I step aside and usher them in, out of the rain and into the house. I lead them through to the living room, not caring that there’s water everywhere. I’ll clear it up in the morning, if it doesn’t dry by itself. 

I’m worried about her, Dodie. Whatever drove her to come here this early in the morning must have been bad! The last year or so she’d been living without parents, since her mum (that’s my Auntie on my dad’s side) was arrested. Dodie’s 17, old enough to look after Heddy apparently. So it’d just her and Heddy and her long-term boyfriend Kenny. Until Kenny dumped her a month ago. Since then I haven’t seen her as much, she said she’d been trying to just work past the pain. 

“What’s wrong Dodie? I’m guessing that you haven’t come for a pleasure call at this hour.” I say, helping her lay Heddy down on the sofa.  
“We... errr... got kicked out...”  
“Got kicked out?”  
“We couldn’t pay the rent! I lost my job, it being the recession n’all... and here was the only place we could think of to come to! Sorry... We’ve been travelling all night”  
“Hey... it’s alright Doddy... I’m glad you’re not in the streets. This is better!” I yawn. I’m slightly annoyed, but I am honestly glad that she’s not on the streets.  
“I’m looking for a job, everyday honest. And the benefits should start next month... we just need somewhere till then?”  
“Stay as long as you need”  
“Thanks Dan... I really appreciate it”

I lazily get to my feet, gently picking Heddy up and carrying her up the stairs.  I gently push open Jemima’s door, laying her down on Marina’s bed. I try not to think about the fact that Marina is back tomorrow evening, we’ll sort Heddy’s bed out then. I grab spare linen from the cupboard, and jog back downstairs to make Dodie a bed on the sofa. We don’t have a spare room, and I would have offered her my bed if it weren’t for me needing to keep an eye on Rosa.

I explain all this to Dodie as I put the sheet over the sofa and then plump up the pillow, leaving her to get ready herself, while I plod back up to my room to face a sobbing Rosa. This time she needs changing, and then won’t go back to sleep.

~9 hours later~

“MR HOWELL ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?” Miss Roberts shout, and I jerk awake, out of my daydream.  
“The answer’s 565 ma’am” Phil pipes in from beside me. I give him a grateful smile, as she turns her attention to handing out the worksheets.  
“Th...thanks Phil...” I mutter.  
“No problem.”

My mind drifts off again as I look at the sheet on my desk. Last night I only went to bed at 11pm, and was up again at 1am. I didn’t go back to sleep, I had to look after Rosa and then there were 2 extra lunches to be made, and an extra school to deliver a child to. So I’m exhausted. Normally I’m able to deal with being tired, but evidently I’ve hit my limit. I wish Dodie had helped, but then again she does need a job. My eyes begin to flicker closed, and then my head hits the desk and I’m dead to the world. 

“Dan... Dan... Miss Roberts is coming over!” Phil whispers in my ear. 

I jerk awake and glance down at my desk, ready to be given a right ear-bashing for sleeping rather than doing the work. I’ll probably get a detention, knowing Miss Roberts. Every other teacher tries to make allowances for me, but no not her. She seems to think that the government should just put me and the others in care; she seems to think I’m inadequate to be looking after them! Which is just awful. But I don’t find an empty worksheet, instead I find one with all the answers filled in. Miss collects it in, then walks away. I turn my head to find Phil smiling at me.

“I...I... did you... do that?”  
He nods at me with a small, shy grin.  
“I don’t know what to say. Thank you so much... you have no idea... I really owe you one... thank you” I mumble, gathering up my stuff to go to the next lesson.  
“It’s no problem, you looked like you needed that sleep” he replies, shouldering his bag and following me out into the corridor.  
“Gosh, you have no idea!” I laugh, the first proper laugh I’ve had in a long time.  
“May I ask why you’re so tired?” Phil asks after a couple of seconds, as we enter the canteen for lunch and automatically sit down together.  
“Um... it’s sorta personal” I say, wringing my hands together under the table. I’m too nervous to tell him, he just got me out of a really bad situation, twice, and then he sat with me at lunch and seemed genuinely concerned about my health. It’s too good to be true.  
“It’s alright, really Dan. I’m here if you need me! You have my number, I’m always there” he says smiling.  
“Thank you Phil. You have no idea how much this means!”  
“Hey... you seem like you need someone there for you. So I’m here.”  
“Thanks. Thank you”  
“No problem. So... let’s talk about pokemon!”

He is fucking perfect.


	5. Superheroes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan Howell lives with his 6 siblings and is their soul carer. He's upset, lonely and struggling to cope with his life. And then he meets Phil.

I end up taking the next day off school, deciding that going into school just to fall asleep was absolutely pointless. Instead I sleep from 10-2 (after taking the others to school) then get to work making all the beds up. Me and Rosa upstairs, Jemima and Marina in their usual room, the boys as usual, Lily and Heddy sharing a bed, Dodie on the sofa, mum in her room as usual. Lily and Heddy get on well I would expect them not to mind. If anyone else arrives, then I don’t know where they’ll sleep. Maybe I could stick someone in the shed?

Then it’s time to collect everyone from school, and leave them to play in the garden while I cook. Cooking for 9, plus milk for Rosa, takes forever and in the end I just make burgers and chips. It’s not healthy, but I’m no professional chef so cooking for this amount of people isn’t easy. I set the table, then go to the lounge to wait for Marina’s bus. Her dad used to pick her up, but he doesn’t have time anymore so she gets a ride home in the school bus every holiday instead. Soon enough it arrives and I go out to great her.

“D...D...Danny” she coughs.  
“Are you okay Marina?” I ask, scooping into a hug.  
“Flu!” she sneezes, and I feel her forehead and see she’s burning up.  
“Alright gorgeous” I say, setting her down on the pavement and grabbing all her bags, dragging them into the hallway and call them all for dinner.

Half an hour later, and we’ve all eaten apart from Dodie who isn’t back yet. I keep her food under the grill, and then run upstairs to see Marina, who is puking into the toilet. I can’t help but think how crap this is, just before Easter and she’s sick, meaning that everyone will get sick soon. Even me, but I’ll have to battle through it and look after them. I tuck her up in bed, once she’s stopped being sick, and move Jemima’s bedsheets into my room. She’ll have the end of my bed, maybe if she’s not in the room with Marina she won’t get ill.

_~24 hours later~_

Ugh. They’re all ill, apart from Dodie who has mysteriously vanished. Probably found somewhere nicer to stay. I’m running up and down stairs with glasses of water, sick buckets, thermometers, calpol, dry toast, damp flannels, tissues. I’ve been like this for the last 12 hours, I haven’t slept a wink. But finally, they all seem to be asleep. I sneeze, loudly, and stagger up to my bedroom.

I collapse onto my bed, and grab my laptop, hoping to speak to PJ. I can’t sleep, in case I don’t hear one of the kids call for help if they’re ill again, but talking to people will try and make today more enjoyable. PJ’s not online, on facebook or skype, but I scroll through my feed for a bit, liking the pictures of Chris, Alex, Carrie and Luke hanging out. It makes me sad when I see what I’m missing out on, but I have family. Family is important. Then I spot something.

_Luke Cutforth is now in a relationship with Dodie Clark._

__That explains where Dodie is. She’s off with my friend (is he my friend?), rather than helping her family. I’ll have words with her when she comes back, especially seeing as Luke is a good few years younger than her. He won’t be able to support her and Heddy. I scroll for a few more moments, then Luke pops up on chat.

 _Luke Cutforth: Hey Dan_  
Dan Howell: Hey there Luke, what’s up?  
Luke Cutforth: Nm, wuu2?  
Dan Howell: The others are all sick!   
Luke Cutforth: Aw, I hope they get better soon m8.  
Dan Howell: Me too.  
Luke Cutforth: So...  
Dan Howell: You’re dating my cousin then?  
Luke Cutforth: DODIES UR CUSIN?  
Dan Howell: No, dumbass. She’s my COUSIN not CUSIN.  
Luke Cutforth: That’s what I said.  
Dan Howell: I have to go, can you please inform Dodie that her sister Heddy is ill with the flu?  
Luke Cutforth: Sure... no hard feelings rite?  
Dan Howell: No problem. Bye Luke. 

I sigh to myself, jumping off my bed as during that conversation I heard someone throwing up downstairs. I slide down my ladder and find Jemima bent over the toilet. Within the next 4 hours, they’re all still ill and I can’t handle it anymore, not on my own. 6 kids, all ill, me with a pounding head, I’m not going to be able to keep up anymore. I wrack my brain for people I can call, at 1am, but there is nobody. 

Then I remember the only person who’s been nice to me the past week, and has asked for nothing in return. Phil. I grab his number and ring him, not caring anymore that he’s going to find out about my family. I do feel guilty asking for help this early, but I have to ask someone. He picks up almost instantly.

“Hello?”  
“H...hey... Phil... it’s Dan from school.”  
“Dan are you okay?” he asks, with worry in his voice.  
“Um... sorta. Ok, don’t freak but all my family are really ill with some sort of flu, I’m not well either... I need help!” I stutter, my words all jumbled from nerves.  
“What’s your address?”  
“Phil, you don’t have to help...”  
“I know that silly! But I want to!”

I give him my address and he arrives within ten minutes and together we manage to get everyone back to bed. I start feeling worse and worse, to the point that I struggle to even stand up straight. Phil smiles at me, and helps me up to my bedroom, despite my protests.

“Sleep Danny, I can listen out for the others”  
“Th...thanks Phil”  
“S’nothing”

I fall asleep almost instantly.


	6. Completeness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan Howell lives with his 6 siblings and is their soul carer. He's upset, lonely and struggling to cope with his life. And then he meets Phil.

I wake up to someone mopping my brow with a wet towel. I turn over and spot Phil there, and then I fall asleep again.

When I wake up the next time, Phil’s not there. I’m starting to wonder whether him coming last night was all a dream, because it does seem too good to be true. Maybe I’m the only one who’s ill, because now all I have is a sore throat, blocked nose and slight headache. I can’t hear anyone downstairs, but the sunlight is streaming through the window. That confuses me, normally they’d be kicking off if I wasn’t up yet, so I clamber out of bed and downstairs.

I find everyone tucked up in blankets on the sofa, watching what looks like high school musical. I’m flabbergasted, they all look so happy.

“Hey guys!” I croak, my throat hurting.  
“Hey Danny” they all reply.  
“Are you all feeling better?”  
“Yeah, Phil made us pancakes!” Marina replies.  
I smile, and walk off into the kitchen, where sure enough Phil stands at the oven, cooking pancakes. He flips them onto a plate and puts it in front of me.  
“Thanks Phil... for everything. You didn’t have to stay; you didn’t have to look after us...” I say, starting to eat the pancakes. This is the first time that someone else has cooked for me in years, and it feels amazing.  
“It’s no problem!” he grins. 

He slips into the chair opposite me, and watches me while I eat. And I watch him. I’ve never looked at him properly before, and now I see that he’s rather beautiful. His eyes are blue but they sparkle, not in a metaphorical way at all. They actually sparkle, they glow like they’re full of glitter. They’re gorgeous. If we hadn’t met like this, if I didn’t have the responsibility of my family... maybe we could have been friends. Lovers, even? But no, right now he’s more like a carer of me. More like a parent. And yet, I still seem to be falling in love with him.

“So then, Dan.” He says, once I’ve finished eating.  
“Uh-huh?” I ask, looking at him nervously.  
“Can you... explain? I mean, your mum staggered in at 4am. All your siblings were asking for you to look after them, asking where you are. Do you have a dad around, someone else to look after you? You sounded pretty desperate on the phone. What’s your story?”  
“I guess I owe you the truth” I sigh, trying to collate my thoughts together.

And then I start telling my story. I tell him of the dads who have come and gone, of the kids they left behind. I tell him of my mum’s depression, leading to the alcohol abuse. I tell him how I care for the others; wash them, feed them, take them to school, comfort them after nightmares, buy them clothes and food. I tell him how Dodie had come and dumped Heddy on me, making life even harder. I tell him how mum never appreciates what I do. I tell him that my closest friend lives miles away, and we barely have chance to talk. I tell him how Jemima is becoming more and more withdrawn, like I’m losing her. 

And I tell him that he’s the only one who’s ever cared for me.

It takes almost 10 minutes for me to finish speaking, and the entire time Phil just looks at me, showing no emotion. When I finally ended I looked at the ground, crying softly, too embarrassed to look at Phil. He’d probably hate him forever, or at least stop the friendship. It’s always too difficult to be friends with a carer, we never have time to go out or really be there for other people. And plus, we’re not exactly cool kids. We’re weird, everyone knows that. So nobody is ever our friend.  

I hear footsteps behind me, and then large arms envelop me in a hug. I turn around and bury my face in Phil’s chest, until I stop crying.

“You silly billy, why are you crying?” Phil whispered  
“You don’t hate me?”asked Dan.  
“Hate you? I’m in awe of you, you’re amazing! I could never look after these people, you’re like a saint. You’re amazing, I think you’re a real life hero. You don’t usually need someone, but you were brave enough to come and ask for help! I admire you.”  
“Thanks Phil”  
“No problem Dan. Your siblings are almost as lovely as you, by the way.”

I smile at him, I really smile. He honestly cared about me, and Phil seems to be the most amazing guy I could ever meet. I think I finally have a proper friend, but I certainly have a proper crush. But this guy actually changed me, like nobody else ever had. I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone everything I told him, not even PJ. He’s a good listener. And he doesn’t judge me. If I believed in soul mates, then I’d believe he was mine. Nevertheless, he was perfect. 

Getting to my feet, I link arms with Phil and walk towards the living room. There everyone still sits happily, he’s better at keeping them quiet than I am!

“Hey everyone, I didn’t introduce him properly but this is my friend Phil. He’s been very nice to us all, I think we all owe him!” I say, hugging Phil with one arm.

Everyone jumps up and pulls me and Phil onto the sofa, and jumps on in a massive hug. And, somehow, it finally feels like I have a proper family. Phil just completes it.


End file.
